You Might be Pregnant and Married to a Dairy Farmer if... (Updated)
The last time I was pregnant was in 2017. But I am resharing this blog because it is just too funny to keep it in the archives. So I hope this blog gives you a little laugh to start off 2022.
This blog is being posted a little later than I expected. I was hoping to have it up before our new baby girl arrived. BUT since she made her arrival two weeks early that didn't happen. And there hasn't been much time for anything else since. So I apologize that I am a little behind on blogging!
Anyways...Things are never boring when you are married to a dairy farmer, but they can be EXTRA interesting when you are pregnant. There are probably a few things you might have heard your husband say to you when you are pregnant that other women would not normally hear. And it is not just your husband, all the dairy farmers in your life might have some funny things to say to you.
Being that dairy farmers deliver baby calves every day, they begin to think they are somewhat of experts in all areas of pregnancy, labor, and delivery across all species... BAHAHAHA... Below is a list of my favorite things my husband has said to me or about me while pregnant.
Did I miss some of your funniest moments? Leave a comment below with some of your favorite farmer lingo for expecting mothers.
1. They refer to your doctor’s appointments as preg check.
Photos taken by TmD Photos at my family's dairy
Most husbands would ask if you have a doctor's appointment, not dairy farmers. Preg check is common language on the farm. Preg check is used to describe the weekly pregnancy check of our herd with our veterinarian. So all doctors appointments become preg check.
2. They ask you how many days are you.
Cows and women are pregnant about the same amount of time: nine months, 40 weeks or 280 days. Dairy farmers use days instead of weeks or months to talk about how far a long a cow is. When you are pregnant, weeks and months mean nothing to your spouse. You think you are 20 weeks along? Nope, you are 140 days.
3. They brag about the skills of their "Breeder".
Obviously bragging about themselves and their "skills"...
4. They refer to you as a heifer!
Not exactly what you want to hear when you are pregnant? But hear them out! Dairy farmers may refer to you as a heifer or 2nd lactation to describe the number of pregnancies you have had. It is not to say you are the size of a cow!
5. They move you to the close-up pen.
Photos courtesy of TmD Photos
Just the other day, my husband was headed to the heifer ranch a couple of hours away. I stressed that I was 37 weeks pregnant and that I thought he should stay a little closer to home. 37 weeks meant nothing to him. Then I proceeded to tell him, I was 260 days. Everything changed. His exact words were "Oh sh*t, I need to move you to the close-up pen." When cows are getting close to delivering their calves, they are moved to a pen closer to the barn. This way the maternity staff can keep a better eye on them and their delivery. When a cow gets moved to the close-up pen things are getting real!
6. You have heard them say "I deliver babies every day".
As I mentioned above, they become some what of know it alls. Yes, you deliver baby cows every day, not tiny humans. We have about a two hour drive to our hospital. I have heard every joke in the book about my husband delivering the baby in the car on the way.
Photos courtesy of TmD Photos
7. Do I need to get the come-alongs?
PSA TO ALL HUSBANDS: If your wife is having a tough delivery, do NOT... I repeat do NOT... tell her you are getting the come-alongs! You might not live to see your new baby.
8. They add you to dairy comp.
Dairy farmers use different programs (one of them is called Dairy Comp) to keep track of all their cows. It keeps records on how far along the cows are, if they have been treated by the vet, how many days in milk a cow is, etc. So your husband might add you to dairy comp to keep track of your progress. These are just a few of the best lines I have heard over the last nine months. And I know I am not alone in this.
I would love to hear some of the funny things the dairy farmers in your lives have said to you or things you as a farmer has said to pregnant women.
With utterly love, New Mexico Milkmaid (aka newly 2nd lactation cow)
All maternity photos are courtesy of TmD Photos and were taken at my family's dairy farm.
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